Prayer

This is a poem that I wrote when I was in the middle of healing from my depression.
Its a mixture of the prayers that I prayed to god.

PARAYER

The questions are asked
Why me what if and when

I cry with hurt I cry with pain
I'm so scared I can't even sleep
My every struggle is to not give up
I'm just living day by day

I need your love
I need your streingth
I need your grace
Your comfort is all I pray

What if I'm not good enough
What if I'm to fat
What if my emotions stab me in my back

Lord it's so hard I don't know what to do.



So many pressures
So many fakes
So many trying to just live it and hide the pain

I'm hurt, tired, scared and strained
I give it to you lord
I want to live for you

What do I have to give, you died on the cross and took my sins.
I love you lord and this is what I can give.

I will sing I will praise I will live my life for YOU!

Faith

The year 2011 is just about over and oh man has this past year been interesting. I have experianced so many emotional trials this past year I dont even know where to begin. Even though there has been so much negative it all has transformed into a positive.
My biggest trial this past year has been depression, as a teenager dealing with physical changes, emotional changes, Pressures from peers, and the stress of school it is a hard thing to avoid. When depression took me over it seemed as though all I was worried about was my self. I didnt understand WHY? My question was allways why? Why me? Why so much Pain? Why would you do this to someone you loved? Why do I feel this way?  Why dose it seem like noone likes me? Why do I always feel so sad and always want to cry? Why am I always so scared?
I didnt know what to do I would go to bed crying and praying and yelling to god. At one point I sat in bed and a thought came to me that could have changed alot, the thought of just giving up came to me. I didnt want to fight through this depression, the herdest part was that I didnt understand why I was feeling this way which was making things worss for me,
One sunday while I was at the end of the rope and trying to climb back up my pastor presented a message that gave me a new perspective on my life. His sermon ended with me finding out why I was depressed which was a lie that I was making myself believe. I was believing that noone loved me, I thought that I had to earn love, I didnt feel worthy of anyones love, I didnt feel like I was needed and the whole time the answeres were right in front of me I was just blind to them.
His sermons for the next few weeks were on the same subject and through his sermons I was able to pull my self up the rope, still today at times I find my self falling again but I just need to remember a few things. I need to remember that I am important to people, I have made a difference in so many peoples lives, It's not all about me and  I think back to the time when I wanted to end it all and I feel so selfish for thinking that way because life is so precious and God created me and put me here so that people could be saved and live eternal life with him in his kingdom. I am Lucky enough to be one of gods children living for him, sharing him, and worshoping him.
I am Loved-I will Love-I will live the life god has intended for me

Life

So this is my very first post on this blog so I guess I will just start by saying a little about my self.

I've grown up in the same town that I was born in, this town is home to me. This town is the most beautiful place I have ever seen we have a beach and we have the country which are my favorite places. I love being able to sit and observe what beauty god created. My all time favorite thing about this town is the night time. The nights are so dark and most of the time so clear the stars can be seen from anywhere. I take one look at the stars and moon and I am just mesmorized by the beauty.

The most important thing to me is my family, we have gone through alot but what we have gone through has made us stronger. My brother almost died in the year 2008, my grandpa died in the year 2010, and we have gone through alot of finacial and family problems along the way. Even through we have had alot of pain and trials in our lives as a family we have become very strong and it has made us grow closer and value what we have.

I am currently a junior in highschool and im not going to lie highschool has been very tough for me emotionaly and physicaly but I know that because of what I have gone through I can help another person and share my story so that is what I am going to do.